Aha Moments

I started something tonight that I hope to do every night, I layed Daniel down (who was already asleep) and I just stood there and watched him sleep. I thought about what a blessing he is in my life and how I thought the day would never come when I would finally be a mom. Then I decided that I would literally pray over Daniel aloud, in a soft voice. Maybe somehow Daniel would hear me in his dreams praying over him and each night I do this.... bring him one step closer to God. I asked God to help me never take for granted the blessing a child is... because one day, like when he's a teenager... I know I'm going to wonder why I wanted kids in the first place. I, of course, prayed for other things too. We are so lucky, no... blessed, to have a creator who loves us and listens to us and wants what's best for us and those we love. I knew that in becoming a mother, I would understand a different dimension of God.

Another thought I had today was about something I realized when I was helping dad go through mom's things, it really hit me hard... how everything she owned was left behind. She didn't take ONE thing with her, not even her wedding ring. It really opened my eyes to just how insignificant THINGS are. Then I thought about how distracting those things can be... the world gets so caught up, I get so caught up in stuff! We forget why we're here and lose focus on the purpose of who and what we are. Dad and I just shook our heads and thought about all the stuff mom didn't need and left behind. We knew this, of course before... but it was so "in your face"... going through mom's things. I pray that I don't let THINGS keep me distracted from God and to always remember what riches are stored up in Heaven.

Hello, I'm back!

I know it has been too long since I've blogged on here. Bear with me... my life has been turned upside down on me. As most of my family/ friends who care to read this knows... the Good and bad... we now have a baby boy and my mother died.

I am doing well. I am thankful each day for the wonderful blessing Daniel is! God had perfect timing, He knew I would need Daniel as a distraction in life for dealing with the death of my mom. I miss her and have my days when I have a good hard cry, but then I start thinking about where she is... Heaven... and I immediately feel better. The selfish side of me wants mom back... however; I think about the way life was for her right before she died and am reminded that it is better that she is not here.

I don't know if any of you out there, who are reading this, are going through some hard times or storms in your life... if you are... hang in there, God hasn't forgotten you. I was married over 12yrs before I was finally blessed with a baby. Many times I wondered if God was hearing my prayers and when my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer, my prayers became even more urgent. I don't have all the answers and am not a genious in the prayer department... but one thing I know for sure... is that God listens. He doesn't always answer our prayers in the time frame we would like, but He does answer them. I am amazed at how beautifully God orchestrated Daniel coming into our lives and mom leaving our lives. God's hand in all of that is so "in your face", you can't help but see how He really does see the big picture. I'll explain this more in my next post. I also plan to type in a prayer I wrote out on paper the night mom died.

So.... that being said... forgive me for not posting on here in a while. I was at a loss for words... didn't know where to begin on trying to put my jumbled-up feelings into words on here. Thank you for your patience. :)