Daniel

Lilypie

Sunday, March 1, 2009

The Blessings From Life's Storms


I found this cross in a baby store back in December when mom and I were just looking around at what's out there. I immediately knew I wanted this hung in our future child's bedroom. This verse rings true in my heart. When I was living in Louisville, I began attending a support group for women who were struggling with infertility and/or death of a baby. As many of you may know... this is a very emotional and painful experience. I would say this hurts (for me) more than losing a loved one. You feel so alone and are constantly reminded of what you are missing out on... by just being out in public. You notice every pregnant woman, you notice every baby, you see children interacting with their parents and wonder if this will ever be something I will experience. Friends try to comfort you and don't know what to say. People try to make light of the situation and it ends up hurting you more than making you feel better. You start to feel guilty for being so jealous of mothers. I have never been a jealous person.... until I went through this. Now... most days I can look at mothers and be happy that God has blessed them and hope that that mother realizes how lucky she is to have that experience. But every-now-and-then... I do get that jealous feeling. I'm not bitter about this experience. I used to be. I now can see how much this trial has made me a better person. I have learned that God is where I get my strength! God loves me even when He hasn't given me what my heart desires. God listens to my prayers and comforts me when I grieve or am in emotional despair. He hurts when I hurt. I have become a much more compassionate person towards others. I am very careful with the words I use when I am trying to comfort others... I don't try to make light of the situation... I mostly listen. I hope to one day lead a support group here for women who are going through this. It meant a great deal to me to be able to talk to other women who truely understood what I was going through. They understood why I dreaded and stopped attending baby showers and would avoid going to church on Mother's day or baby dedication day. I didn't feel alone any more. The book we read and discussed was called Hannah's Hope. It talked about Hannah's struggles in her life spiritually, mentally, physically. I had never related to anyone before in the Bible like this. It was an amazing group. That's why... when I saw this cross with the verse from Samuel... I had to have it. I don't want to forget this experience. It has helped me become the person I am today... drew me so much closer to God. I can now honestly say that I am thankful for this experience. It made my friendships deeper, my marriage richer, my heart stronger, my faith grow.... I have looked for God's presence and have found Him here, right beside me. How can I not be thankful when I have gained all this from this experience? I know that one day I will be a mother. And I am content in waiting. I have a new feeling of peace... knowing that God is in control and that He plans to "prosper me..., to give me hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11.)

I hadn't planned on writing about this tonight. I had planned to add pictures of the baby bedding... but when I saw this picture, I couldn't help, but explain why this scripture means so much to me.

2 comments:

Giggles said...

Thanks for sharing. I absolutely love the cross.

Holly said...

Thanks for your words. The scripture made me cry, and the words from your heart touched me deeply. While I have never been in your situation, many things you said are very parallel to how I feel with Jericho--the pain of seeing normal kids his age talking and interacting with their mothers, watching them have birthday parties and knowing he won't be invited. It may not be in this lifetime, but like you, I know one day my prayers will be answered and I will hear his voice. :) I am honored to have a friend like you with such a deep faith in the things of God. Thank you for sharing that with me. oh, yeah, and I LOVE the bedding!